A Vanishing Act..

Where have I been? Where have I gone? What am I doing? The bitter truth: here, nowhere and nothing. Sometimes life is not as easy as it seems. The demons of your past can creep and snap you up at any point of vulnerability. I had everything clear; I was to get a job, move on with my life and roll off into the sunset with nothing but an hyper-extended ego and a success story for the ages. We call all dream, right?

Of course, we all go through stages of peace and tranquility where all is clear, motivation is high and a drive for happiness is strong enough to combat the demons of our mental health – yet what can one do to completely dismiss such demons? The bitter truth: nothing. They become a part of us, the part of our DNA we never wanted nor wished for, yet a part we can never be rid. If you have a history of poor mental health, it will never remain just a history, it will come up and nip you in the buttocks when you least expect it – ironically when things are going well.

What I built here: a community of readers all sharing the same problems they do not wish to speak about, was beautiful and pure. It isn’t the most pleasant of subjects to vocalize, yet it is one of the more important ones. I posted every day, it gave me a sense of purpose and I felt like I was bringing people together, so why did I stop? My demons came back to torment me. A period of painful unease overwhelmed me and shoved me back into myself – a self that is lonely and doesn’t have the peace of mind to even write a post. It’s horrible, bitter, enslaving, yet it is necessary for ones development.

How can you appreciate something good in life when your life is sunshine and roses through and through? You don’t. You cannot thoroughly appreciate something in life until you have personally suffered hardship. After being in a deep dark pit of depression, a simple act of writing a post on this blog can make me feel incredible. It makes me happy, it allows me to be myself, and I’ll be fucked if i’m going to let that go.

Get out your thinking caps, raise your silent voice of mental health, because I am back and rearing to go. Get ready for bitter truths and deep revelations, I encourage you to do the same. I’m back.

As always,





  1. Sorry to hear you have been in the dark side. Glad you are back!! Please don’t ever give up. Just wait it out and/or ask for help. ❤ There are many voices out there that are advocating death as the answer to problems and I worry so much about young people today. Choose life! Even a life with anxiety can still be a good life. There are things you can do to help. Have you tried medication, natural supplements, exercise,running, yoga, healthy diet, taking walks, music? I do all of those. I still have some bad days, but those things definitely help.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am over on the dark side and despite what meme said: There are no cookies over here!

    Really looking forward to reading up on your blog and I am happy for you that you “are back!” It’s like I was meant to find my way to your blog. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have been really missing your posts….
    So glad you are back…
    But it felt awful to hear about your mental health…….
    There’s everything in Life.
    Anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, struggle, fun, pleasures……
    And they could replace each other….
    Yeah, the ease is is raised from anxiety .
    Happiness raised from sorrows.
    Love raised from pain.
    Only we need to fasten our grip on life….
    Take Care ❤
    With lot of love.
    Your mate.
    B. M.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on AfterHollywood and commented:
    I have had family members with mental health issues. I Thank God every day that I do not have mental health issues nor does my wife. For those of you who do, my heart goes out to you, it’s a deep dark road you are on. Any time you reach a point that you can’t take it any more, always remember that you are living in one of the most transitional times in the history of mankind.


  5. I myself am on the brink of being pulled into the dark, and though I’m fighting hard, sometimes there’s a kind of inevitability that pushes you down.
    I know how you feel, and I’m sending you a high five for posting ❤


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