Where have I been? Where have I gone? What am I doing? The bitter truth: here, nowhere and nothing. Sometimes life is not as easy as it seems. The demons of your past can creep and snap you up at any point of vulnerability. I had everything clear; I was to get a job, move on with my life and roll off into the sunset with nothing but an hyper-extended ego and a success story for the ages. We call all dream, right?
Of course, we all go through stages of peace and tranquility where all is clear, motivation is high and a drive for happiness is strong enough to combat the demons of our mental health – yet what can one do to completely dismiss such demons? The bitter truth: nothing. They become a part of us, the part of our DNA we never wanted nor wished for, yet a part we can never be rid. If you have a history of poor mental health, it will never remain just a history, it will come up and nip you in the buttocks when you least expect it – ironically when things are going well.
What I built here: a community of readers all sharing the same problems they do not wish to speak about, was beautiful and pure. It isn’t the most pleasant of subjects to vocalize, yet it is one of the more important ones. I posted every day, it gave me a sense of purpose and I felt like I was bringing people together, so why did I stop? My demons came back to torment me. A period of painful unease overwhelmed me and shoved me back into myself – a self that is lonely and doesn’t have the peace of mind to even write a post. It’s horrible, bitter, enslaving, yet it is necessary for ones development.
How can you appreciate something good in life when your life is sunshine and roses through and through? You don’t. You cannot thoroughly appreciate something in life until you have personally suffered hardship. After being in a deep dark pit of depression, a simple act of writing a post on this blog can make me feel incredible. It makes me happy, it allows me to be myself, and I’ll be fucked if i’m going to let that go.
Get out your thinking caps, raise your silent voice of mental health, because I am back and rearing to go. Get ready for bitter truths and deep revelations, I encourage you to do the same. I’m back.